“The Universe provides for me,” he said with a grin. My heart blossomed like a flower because… because, what the hell! How rare is it to meet someone who, too, believes in the power of the Universe?!
That day I flipped the pages into life lesson chapter eleven – The Deadliness of Falling in Love with Potential.
It lurked behind me as his left hand held my right that night. It was the first night we slept in the same bed, first time drinking ourselves silly enough to melt away the awkwardness in the room. With him, there were so many firsts, and every one was beautiful… At first.
On hindsight, I could have left it as it was – a vacation fling. But it was so beautiful, I could use such romance every single day. Eight days later, we proceeded to fall in love. After ten, we parted ways, stayed in touch, met, parted again, had painful fights, fell in love again, finally now we’re no longer friends, no longer lovers, not even strangers.
It was so short and so intense.
What once felt so romantic and beautiful became something I have to forget about, a pain I am learning to wash away and a blog post telling you what went wrong inside of me.
I spent days grieving and reflecting on what went wrong. One big concept that surfaced is the idea of my falling in love with the potential of this relationship. If we were to strip away that head swooning feeling of falling in love, I knew nothing more than the superficial things about him.
I fell in love with the novelty of a long distance relationship, the idea of flying miles and miles just to see someone and indulge in intense love making sessions, the idea of one of us relocating just to be together, the smartness of this broken soul and what all these brains could possibly do.
When we fall in love with what could be, we get attached to making our fantasy happen.
But what could be often involves another complex, fragile, and sometimes dysfunctional human being, who is not yours to control. We get so involved in creating our fantasy that we forget to embrace where we are right now.
If our fantasy is tossed away, could we still love the way we do? If the answer is no, it’s time to re-evaluate what really you’re really in love with.
What is scarier than falling in love with potential is the fog that blurs our vision and judgement as we fall into that rabbit hole of a beautiful new world that was created in our minds. We get so attached to that fantasy that we fail to see all the reasons why this relationship/situation is toxic.
We gloss over how this whole love story is flawed and not ours to repair.
But finally, there will be a day where our hearts break from the realisation that this is all nothing but a fantasy. Only then, the fog in our minds would clear. Next time, I hope there’s no more next time.