What Happens When You Stop Chasing Things, People & Yoga

I used to scroll through Instagram and see beautiful people doing amazing things with their bodies. They were standing on their hands, floating from one shape to another. Others had perfectly sculpted bodies, perfect faces, beautiful clothing. I wondering when it would be me. When would I float, when can I fly, when can I be like them… heck. I wanted to be way better than them.

I used to chase yoga postures. First it was Crow, then it was Firefly. When I managed headstand, I wanted forearm stand, I haven’t mastered the forearm stand and I was chasing handstands.

The desire to do impressive things became my motivation to come to my yoga mat every single day. And boy, was the motivation strong.

On the yoga mat we chase postures, off the mat we chase money, people, emotions, food, entertainment, attention…

The interesting thing about yoga is that, if you observing close enough, it’s a metaphor of our lives. Whatever happens on the mat is often a reflection of how we live and treat ourselves off the mat.

A shift happened in my yoga practice.

About a year ago, on that morning when all that I could manage was cuddling up in child’s pose with a bolster supporting me. I wasn’t able to move as strongly as I used to. As I laid on my mat, letting go of whatever I was holding on to, I subconsciously created space for my heart to heal and my mind to accept new ways of bringing my yoga to a deeper level.

My practice went from chasing yoga poses to being in tune with what my body and mind needed. It has been a year and so much has changed.

Chasing things is not the problem. The problem happens when we get attached to what we are chasing. We glorify the object of desire and we start to think that we can only be truly happy and fulfilled if we get what we want.

The liberation I felt when I stopped chasing poses is the same liberation I experienced as I stopped chasing people – maybe for you, it is wealth, fame, adrenaline or something else.

Chase, do your best, but be open to other possibilities. The end result could be different and different doesn’t mean better or worse. It simply means that there’s a world of possibilities out there, unexplored, unexpected, waiting for you to discover.

THE DEADLINESS OF FALLING IN LOVE WITH POTENTIAL

“The Universe provides for me,” he said with a grin. My heart blossomed like a flower because… because, what the hell! How rare is it to meet someone who, too, believes in the power of the Universe?!

That day I flipped the pages into life lesson chapter eleven – The Deadliness of Falling in Love with Potential.

It lurked behind me as his left hand held my right that night.  It was the first night we slept in the same bed, first time drinking ourselves silly enough to melt away the awkwardness in the room. With him, there were so many firsts, and every one was beautiful… At first.

On hindsight, I could have left it as it was – a vacation fling. But it was so beautiful, I could use such romance every single day. Eight days later, we proceeded to fall in love. After ten, we parted ways, stayed in touch, met, parted again, had painful fights, fell in love again, finally now we’re no longer friends, no longer lovers, not even strangers.

It was so short and so intense.

What once felt so romantic and beautiful became something I have to forget about, a pain I am learning to wash away and a blog post telling you what went wrong inside of me.

I spent days grieving and reflecting on what went wrong. One big concept that surfaced is the idea of my falling in love with the potential of this relationship. If we were to strip away that head swooning feeling of falling in love, I knew nothing more than the superficial things about him.

I fell in love with the novelty of a long distance relationship, the idea of flying miles and miles just to see someone and indulge in intense love making sessions, the idea of one of us relocating just to be together, the smartness of this broken soul and what all these brains could possibly do.

When we fall in love with what could be, we get attached to making our fantasy happen.

But what could be often involves another complex, fragile, and sometimes dysfunctional human being, who is not yours to control. We get so involved in creating our fantasy that we forget to embrace where we are right now.

If our fantasy is tossed away, could we still love the way we do? If the answer is no, it’s time to re-evaluate what really you’re really in love with.

What is scarier than falling in love with potential is the fog that blurs our vision and judgement as we fall into that rabbit hole of a beautiful new world that was created in our minds. We get so attached to that fantasy that we fail to see all the reasons why this relationship/situation is toxic.

We gloss over how this whole love story is flawed and not ours to repair.

But finally, there will be a day where our hearts break from the realisation that this is all nothing but a fantasy. Only then, the fog in our minds would clear. Next time, I hope there’s no more next time.